For quite some time after I moved to Austria 12 years ago, I was a victim. A victim of the fact that my husband is Austrian. It was such an easy excuse to reach for to cover a myriad of every day problems:
“It’s not like this in Ireland”
“Irish people just aren’t like this”
“If we were in Ireland, this wouldn’t be happening”
“People in Ireland always let you out in traffic”
I actually blamed bad hair days on Austria. It was the country's fault because the water is so hard. Not joking.
Such a story and none of it was true.
Self-coaching showed me this:
The thought “things are better in Ireland” caused me to suffer. Horribly. It put me in the place of a victim and caused me to often resent my husband. I didn’t want either of those results in my life.
This is the question that I asked myself to change the story I told myself about life in Austria and which changed everything:
How am I not taking responsibility here?
When I fell into victimhood about living in Austria, I wasn’t taking responsibility for the fact that I decided to move here, that I could just move back to Ireland at any time, that happiness is mine and that I create any experience I am having with my own thoughts.
I love this question.
“In what ways am I not taking responsibility here” forces you to change gears, it gets you to think about yourself as a hero and not a victim. A badass and not a wimp.
In what ways are you not taking responsibility? If you read this article and had a sentence in your head that starts with “it’s all well and good for Aine to say that, but I ___” then you, my friend are not taking responsibility.
Feeling like a victim is crap.
Arguing with reality is crap.
Ready to put an end to those circular arguments you have with yourself and others about how unfair everything is? I can help. Message me at firstname.lastname@example.org for a free consultation and I will get you on your way.